Faith or Madness Read online

  FAITH OR MADNESS

  Sarah Ettritch

  Published by Norn Publishing

  Distributed by Smashwords

  Copyright © 2014 Sarah Ettritch

  All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced or shared, except for brief quotations in articles or reviews, without written permission from the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Table of Contents

  Front Matter

  Faith or Madness

  More Titles by Sarah Ettritch

  FAITH OR MADNESS

  May, 1983

  Roberta slid the cash register’s drawer shut and dropped thirty-five cents into her customer’s hand. “Here’s your change, Mr. Robertson. Have a nice day.” She handed him the plastic bag filled with his purchases.

  Someone nudged her in the back. “I’m up,” Jean said into her ear. “But if you want to keep working, I can go for a smoke.”

  Roberta snorted and turned to her. “Don’t you dare.” She sidled past Jean. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Jean drawled.

  Smiling, Roberta strolled into the baby needs aisle and spotted Cindy at its other end, lifting several baby food jars from the shelf. Roberta stopped walking, expecting Cindy to pass her on the way to the cash, but Cindy walked in the opposite direction. Confused, Roberta hurried up the aisle and left it in time to see Cindy disappear into the employee lounge. Her heart sank.

  “Bobbie!”

  Shoot. Roberta whirled.

  Bill, the store manager, strode over to her. “Have you seen Cindy? Is she in the lounge?”

  Roberta’s mind raced. “Uh, no, I just saw her going toward frozen foods. You—”

  Bill handed her an envelope stuffed with money. Bewildered, she stared at it, then noticed how quiet it was. They were in his office. What?

  “Bobbie.”

  She looked at him.

  “Bobbie!”

  The pop tune piping through the store’s sound system sounded louder than usual. A shopper pushed a rattling cart past them. Bill frowned at her, concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

  Roberta glanced around. They were standing next to the dairy section. She shook herself. Being in his office…it had felt so real.

  “You okay, Bobbie?” Bill asked again.

  She forced a smile. “I’m fine. Sorry. If you go now, you can probably catch up with Cindy.”

  Bill nodded and sidestepped past her to dart down the frozen foods aisle.

  Roberta took a moment to collect herself, then walked over and pushed the employee lounge door open. Cindy should have had time to put the baby food into her purse by now. Just in case, she coughed, warning Cindy that someone was coming. A locker door slammed shut. Roberta entered the locker area in time to see Cindy sling her purse over her shoulder. Their eyes met. “Bill’s looking for you,” Roberta said.

  Cindy didn’t flinch. “I’ll catch him tomorrow. Got any plans for tonight?”

  Roberta shrugged. “Just seeing Ben.”

  “Just seeing Ben.” Cindy quirked a brow. “Some of us should be so lucky.”

  “What about you?”

  “Nothing special, as usual. I’m not exactly a hot commodity.” She sighed. “Well, enjoy yourself.” With a tight smile, she walked past Roberta.

  “Cindy,” Roberta called.

  Cindy turned around. “Yeah?”

  The words Roberta wanted to say died on her tongue. She swallowed. “We should get together for coffee soon.”

  “Sure. I’ll call you.”

  “Have a nice night,” Roberta said, disappointed with herself.

  *****

  Roberta laughed as she watched Ben make a show of appreciating his mouthful of pie. “I didn’t bake it.”

  He raised a finger and swallowed. “No?” His eyes danced. “I never would have guessed.”

  They smiled at each other. After the first disastrous dinner she’d cooked for him when they’d started dating, she’d given up pretending that she knew her way around a kitchen. Ben claimed he didn’t mind, but she wasn’t so sure.

  She sipped her wine, then dabbed at her mouth with a napkin and forced out the words she’d wanted to say all through dinner. “I saw Cindy steal something from the store today. Baby food.”

  Ben’s face darkened. He rested his fork on his dessert plate. “Did you report her?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  Roberta hesitated. “She’s my friend. And she has a baby to feed.”

  “So do a lot of other people. They don’t steal.” Ben jabbed his finger on the table. “Thou shalt not steal.”

  “What’s she supposed to do, not feed her son?”

  “She works!”

  “She’s only been at the store for a few months.” Roberta had put Cindy’s name in for a job—perhaps not the brightest idea, given how things were turning out. “I doubt she’s making more than minimum wage.”

  Ben’s face tightened. “Doesn’t she have family? What about the food bank?”

  It was so easy for him. He’d grown up in a middle class family and never lived paycheque to paycheque. “Cindy’s a proud woman.”

  Ben snorted. “That’s an excuse. I can’t believe you just stood by and watched. What will you do next? Not say anything when someone steals a TV?”

  Roberta gave him a withering look. “I’m talking to you about this because I wasn’t completely comfortable with what Cindy did. I don’t know if it’s a one-off, or if she’s been doing it since she started.”

  “What if she’s been doing it all along and keeps doing it? Will you keep looking the other way?”

  “If I report it, she’ll probably be fired.”

  “Not your problem, Bobbie. Not your problem.” Ben lifted his fork, then set it down again. “What would Pastor Williams think, if he knew you were helping a thief?”

  Roberta rolled her eyes. “Helping a thief? Don’t you think that’s a bit dramatic?”

  “By not saying anything, you might as well be the one doing the stealing. You’re committing a sin of omission.”

  “Do you honestly believe God’s such a stickler that He’s more concerned with me reporting a couple of stolen baby food jars than He is with her son starving?”

  “Now who’s being dramatic?” Ben folded his arms and shook his head. “I can’t tell you what to do, but the boy won’t starve if she gets fired, and you know it.”

  They glared at each other, the air heavy between them. Ben heaved a sigh. His face softened. “If you don’t report it and they find out you knew, you could lose your job. Not that it would matter.”

  Not to him. They weren’t engaged yet, but they’d discussed marriage. Despite his insistence that he wouldn’t expect an immaculate house and dinner on the table promptly at six, Roberta knew he’d prefer a traditional wife.

  “Well, it would matter, but not because you lost your job,” Ben said, dragging her back to the conversation. “You need to do the right thing. You can’t look the other way.”

  At the same time, she couldn’t squeal on Cindy.

  “It’s a slippery slope, you know,” Ben said, watching her.

  “What’s a slippery slope?”

  “Situational ethics. First you’ll excuse baby food, then clothes, then school
supplies… You have to report her.”

  Roberta moistened her lips. “How about I talk to her first, see if I can convince her not to do it again? If she knows I know—”

  “She might care, or she might not.” Ben unfolded his arms. “But it’s a good first step.” He offered her his hand. “Truce?”

  Roberta slipped her hand into his and squeezed it. “Truce. Speaking of situational ethics, though, what about us?”

  “What about us?” Ben said lightly.

  “We’re living together outside of marriage. We both know what Pastor Williams thinks about that.”

  Ben rubbed his chin and pretended to think about it. “We certainly do. Thank you for giving me the perfect opening.” He pulled his hand from Roberta’s and sprang from his chair. Roberta’s curiosity grew when he left the kitchen. Straining to listen, she heard a drawer in the bedroom open and shut. Ben returned and dropped to one knee. He opened the box in his hand, revealing a sparkling diamond ring. “Bobbie—no, not for this.” He cleared his throat. “Roberta Anne Wilcox, will you do me the honour of being my wife?”

  Roberta gaped at him. “Are you serious?”

  Ben’s eyes widened. “Of course I’m serious. I was going to do this on the weekend, but I can’t wait. Will you marry me?”

  She blinked at him. “Yes.”

  “Yes?”

  “Yes,” she said, her eyes welling with tears. Ben slipped the ring onto her trembling finger, then pulled her to her feet. They shared a lingering kiss that left Roberta breathless. She held him tight and buried her head in his shoulder.

  “You’ve just made me the happiest man alive,” Ben said.

  “And I’m the happiest woman,” she said, not caring that they were mouthing clichés. Ben knew she wouldn’t be satisfied being a stay-at-home mom. After many conversations about marriage and children, she’d wondered if he was dithering because he didn’t want to compromise. She wouldn’t wonder anymore. Mrs. Benjamin Sherwood. She loved it. “I love you.”

  She felt Ben’s smile. “I love you, too.”

  *****

  She was fighting, fighting to keep her head above the choppy waters, fighting to breathe. Her arms and legs felt heavier with every passing second. “Help!”

  “Roberta!”

  She found the strength to raise her arm and wave. “Help!” Where was he? She couldn’t see him.

  “Roberta!”

  “Help me!” The water pulled her under again. She tried to resurface, but she was tired, so tired. It was time to leave. She had to leave. She opened her mouth, swallowed the water. Her lungs filled. Her head pounded.

  Roberta shot upright to sit sucking down air. She pressed her shaking hand against her forehead. It was only a dream, that stupid dream she’d been having for the past month.

  Ben stirred, then rolled over. His bleary eyes met hers. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine. I had a bad dream, that’s all.” She glanced at the clock. “The alarm will go off in ten minutes. I might as well get up.”

  He grunted and rolled over. Roberta slipped into her housecoat. After going to the bathroom, she padded into the kitchen and got the coffee going. Too antsy to sit, she leaned against the counter and folded her arms. She’d never had a recurring dream before. She was a good swimmer and wasn’t afraid of the water. She was always the first one in the pool. Why was she drowning? Who was trying to save her?

  Maybe the water represented something else, but she couldn’t imagine what, and she’d never been one to assign much meaning to dreams. They were the brain’s way of getting rid of the crud it had accumulated, nothing more.

  Still, this dream was persistent. Now that Ben had finally proposed to her, maybe it would go away. Whether he’d marry or dump her had occupied her thoughts more than usual recently. Together for almost six years and neither of them getting any younger, she’d figured marriage was on his mind, too. She silently thanked God that he’d decided to compromise, rather than hold out for the perfect wife. Ben could be stubborn.

  As for the dream, it only bothered her because it kept her from a good night’s sleep. She wouldn’t worry about it. Now that her future was set, it would go away.

  *****

  Roberta gently poked Justin in the tummy, then laughed when his eyes widened and he pumped his arms and legs. “Every time I see him, he’s changed,” she said to Cindy.

  “He’ll be in school before I know it.” Cindy’s face grew wistful. “I wish I had more time to spend with him. That’s why I don’t want to get a second job. I should. It would really help. But then I’d never see him, and any extra money I’d make would go to more babysitting.”

  Keeping her eyes on Justin, Roberta drew breath to bring up the touchy subject of Cindy’s stealing.

  “Are you okay, Bobbie? You look tired,” Cindy said.

  A temporary reprieve. Roberta lifted her head. “I’m not sleeping well.”

  Cindy’s forehead creased with concern. “Why? What’s going on? It’s not Ben, is it?”

  “No.” She grinned. “He proposed to me. We’re engaged.”

  Cindy’s mouth formed an O. “Congratulations!” She looked at Roberta’s left hand. “I don’t see a ring. I would have noticed a ring.”

  “It was a tad too big, so we’re having it adjusted. We figure we’ll get married next summer. Ben wants a big wedding.”

  “Shit, you lucky girl.” Cindy gave Roberta a quick hug. “I knew it would happen. I didn’t think it would take so long,” she said, making Roberta chuckle, “but I knew it was coming. So what’s up, then? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

  “I keep having the same dream,” she said, making the snap decision to talk to Cindy about it. “I’m drowning. Someone’s trying to help me, but I can’t see him. I get tired, sink under the water, and then I wake up.”

  “How many times have you had it?”

  Roberta shrugged. “I don’t know, four, five times over the last month.”

  Cindy’s eyes widened. “That’s a lot.”

  Justin squealed, making them wince. When he reached for Cindy, she lifted him from the baby seat and rocked him in her arms.

  “I’m waking Ben up, too.”

  “What does he think about it?”

  “We haven’t really talked about it.” Ben would think she was being silly. “It might have something to do with him,” she said tentatively. “I don’t know…”

  “What would it have to do with him?”

  “I was wondering if he was ever going to propose,” Roberta said sheepishly.

  “You and half the neighbourhood,” Cindy shot back. “Now that he’s done it, maybe you’ll sleep better.”

  Roberta hoped so. She glanced at her watch. “We should get going, or we’ll be late.”

  “Can you hold him for minute?” Cindy handed Justin to Roberta, then grabbed her purse. She fished out her keys. “Here.” She beckoned, reaching for Justin.

  Roberta settled Justin back in his mother’s arms. “Do you need me to grab anything?”

  Cindy shook her head. “Everything’s at Donna’s.”

  The babysitter lived in an apartment two floors down. As Roberta watched Cindy say good-bye to Justin, she reminded herself of why she’d dropped in on Cindy before their shift. She waited until they were striding down the sidewalk to the bus stop to bring it up. “Look, this is really awkward for me, but I have to talk to you about something.”

  Cindy stopped and wheeled. “What?”

  Roberta hated this. “I saw you last week…when you took the baby food.”

  “Shit.” Cindy gripped Roberta’s wrist. “I’ve only done it a couple of times. I—I can’t work a second job. I’ll never see him. I don’t want him to be one of those kids that grows up without a mother.”

  “I know, I know.” Roberta patted Cindy’s hand.

  “Are you going to tell Bill?”

  “No, but you have to stop. Next time, someone else might see you.”

  Cindy blew out a sigh.
“I know. I don’t know what to do.” She let go of Roberta’s wrist and pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from her purse. “You probably think I should give these up, right?” Her eyes teared up. She thrust the pack toward Roberta. “This is my only luxury. I don’t go to movies. I don’t travel. I don’t eat out. I just have this one pleasure.”

  “I’m not judging you,” Roberta said softly.

  “No?” Cindy stuck a cigarette into her mouth and lit it. “Well, that makes one of you.” She took a long drag and exhaled.

  “Cindy, I’m on your side. Is there anyone who can help you? There are programs at the church.”

  “I’m not going there,” Cindy said flatly. “They’ll all look at me like I’m a harlot.”

  “No, they won’t.”

  “Yes, they will.”

  “They don’t care about me and Ben.” Well, most didn’t.

  “Everyone knew you’d eventually get married, and you’re both respectable. You didn’t get yourself knocked up by someone else’s husband. God, I wish I’d never met the asshole. But I love Justin. I’d do anything for him. I just—I can’t—” She shook her head and took another long drag on her cigarette.

  “I know how much you love Justin. I know you want to do right by him, and be there for him. So you can’t lose your job. It’ll make things worse. You’ll have to find another way. What about the food bank?” she suggested, even though she knew Cindy would hate the idea.

  “No,” Cindy snapped. “I don’t need charity.”

  “There’s no shame in it. I’ll go with you.”

  Cindy looked down at her feet. “I don’t know.”

  “We’ll just look around, see what’s there.”

  Cindy looked up and blew smoke into Roberta’s face. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” she said when Roberta made a face and waved the smoke away. “I’m not mad at you. I know you’re trying to help. I’m just sick of scraping by. But it’s my fault, right? I made my bed, I have to lie in it.”