The Triad Page 4
Only slightly irked, Lesley studied Mo’s concerned face. She agreed with Mo. She wasn’t entirely comfortable with Jayne going either and was glad that Jayne wouldn’t face Stewart alone. But she didn’t have feelings for Jayne. She liked her, and because Jayne was her Chosen, she cared about what happened to her. That was as far as it went.
Mo wagged her finger. “But you’re sidetracking me. Tell me about your lunch.”
“Why, because you’re worried I might run off with Jayne?” Lesley asked, hoping Mo would clarify why their lunch bothered her. She regretted her question when Mo slapped the bed.
“Don’t joke about it, Les! I know you don’t understand it, but I can’t help worrying that Jayne will take you away from me. I know, I know...” She frowned down at her lap.
Lesley wanted to leap from the chair and punch her fist into the air. Mo still loved her, or at least cared enough that she didn’t want to share her. Could Lesley have been mistaken, seen something between Mo and Jayne that wasn’t there? Perhaps her epiphany at the awards ceremony was colouring her perception. She’d thought she’d seen something in Jayne’s eyes outside Government Hall, too. They were all Chosens, but that didn’t mean they were falling for each other.
Mo had seemed awfully tender and concerned, though. Lesley didn’t want to lull herself into another comfortable lie. “Why don’t you and Jayne come over here after the counselling appointment tomorrow? You can tell me how it went.” Not only that, she needed to see Mo and Jayne together again, and would prefer to do it here, on her territory. If her initial impression was confirmed, she might feel like a third wheel over at the Middletons’. “I won’t be here until around 18:00, but you can stay for supper.”
“Enough!” Mo’s eyes blazed. “Stop trying to dodge the lunch thing. Yeah, I’ll suggest to Jayne that we come over, but I want to hear about the lunch. Now!” She patted the bed next to her.
Lesley abandoned her chair for the bed and slipped her hand into Mo’s when Mo reached for it. Mo’s touch always bolstered her, and tonight was no exception. How would Lesley concentrate tomorrow? Supper with her Chosens couldn’t come fast enough! But even if her suspicion turned out to be true, at least she’d learned one thing about herself that partly made up for her stumble regarding the triad: no matter how deeply Mo’s feelings for Jayne would hurt her, no matter how betrayed and lonely and inadequate she’d feel, she’d never stop loving Mo. No matter what happened, she’d always love the Chosen next to her.
*****
Stiff with trepidation, Jayne followed Counsellor Nolan into his office and dropped into the chair the farthest from the Stewarts. Mo took the remaining empty chair and crossed her legs. Fortunately the chairs were arranged so that everyone faced the counsellor, rather than each other. Relieved that Mo would act as a buffer between her and the Stewarts, Jayne glanced her way for reassurance. Mo met her eyes and smiled, but it didn’t help. The tension in the room was already palpable.
Nolan settled into his chair and surveyed them. “Before we begin, let me introduce everyone. This is Kevin and Gwen Stewart.” He gestured in their direction. Jayne nodded, but kept her eyes on Nolan. “This is Lieutenant Commander Middleton.”
Mo shifted in her seat. “Just Mo. I’m not here as a member of the military.”
Nolan nodded. “Mo. And this is Jayne Adams.”
As if they didn’t know who she was. Jayne tucked her hands under her legs. This was a mistake! She never should have agreed to come.
Kevin Stewart sniffed. “Only one Chosen with you?”
“Lieutenant Commander Thompson is on duty,” Mo said. “Otherwise she’d be here.”
Would she? Lesley had seemed bored over their lunch. Their dispassionate conversation about the CT134 cases had contrasted sharply with their animated discussion during their first lunch together. Lesley’s commander training was probably draining her energy, making it difficult for her to act interested during social obligations she could do without.
“Let’s focus on who is here,” Nolan said. “I thought it might be beneficial if we were to have a conversation, get to know each other a little.”
Someone snorted. Jayne suspected the only person who believed—hoped—the conversation would do any good was Gwen Stewart.
“I don’t want to get to know her,” Kevin Stewart declared.
Nolan turned to him. “Then why did you talk to her at the awards ceremony?”
“Not to make friends, that’s for sure! She needed to know her place!”
When Mo straightened, Jayne shook her head and rested her hand on Mo’s arm. On the way, she’d told Mo not to be offended on her behalf, that Stewart wouldn’t say anything she hadn’t heard many times before. But Mo was used to polite exchanges; even the mildest insults would shock her.
“What is her place?” Nolan asked.
“The Wall of Offenders.”
Gwen Stewart gasped. “Kevin!”
Jayne gripped Mo’s arm. “It’s all right,” she murmured.
“No, it’s not!” Mo hissed back, but she didn’t round on Stewart.
Nolan shifted his attention to Jayne. “Would you like to respond to that?”
Anything she said would be a waste of time. When Kevin Stewart looked at her, he saw Papa. He couldn’t berate Papa, couldn’t get his revenge on him, so she was supposed to serve as Papa’s substitute. Well, she wouldn’t. As much as she understood Stewart’s pain, she wasn’t Papa. She couldn’t fix what had happened, couldn’t absolve Brenda Stewart of responsibility, and wouldn’t apologize for something she didn’t do. Gwen Stewart’s plea had persuaded her to come, but now that Jayne was here, she could see there wasn’t any point.
She couldn’t help him, but perhaps he could help her. “What do you know about the Incident?” The moment she spoke, she felt as if she were under a bright light, her inner self bared for all to see.
“What?” Kevin Stewart said.
“What do you know about the Incident?” Hot tears of shame and humiliation welled, humiliation because she had to ask for details—especially from Stewart. Without thinking, she moved her hand down to Mo’s, needing to hang on to something—someone. The moment her fingers touched Mo’s, she realized what she was doing and snatched her hand away. “Sorry,” she said, probably too low for Mo to hear.
“You don’t know what happened?” Nolan asked softly.
“No, I don’t.” It was easier to speak to him than to Stewart. “I didn’t even know about his sister until...Lieutenant Commander Thompson told me about the letters and who’d sent them.”
The room fell silent. Nolan turned away. “What do you know about the Incident?” he asked Stewart.
“I know her papa killed my sister!”
Mo tutted and glared at Nolan.
“What else do you know about the Incident?” Nolan asked, his expression pained.
“Why’s she asking me? I don’t believe for a second that she doesn’t know what happened.”
“Contrary to what you might believe, they didn’t discuss their violations around the supper table,” Jayne said through clenched teeth. “Did you know what your sister was up to?” When he didn’t reply, she glanced at him and cringed at his anguished face. His Chosen rubbed his back and murmured to him. Jayne regretted her harsh question.
Why were they at each other’s throats? People they’d loved had betrayed them; both their worlds had changed in an instant. Though Rymellans hadn’t painted him with the same brush as her. Oh, no! He still had a reputation, had still managed to become an overseer. Yet here he was, eager to vent his spleen and blame her for his sister’s behaviour, to make himself feel better. Despite understanding the reasons behind his venomous attitude toward her, she’d had enough. “I think we should go,” she said to Mo. “I don’t see any point in staying.”
Mo instantly rose. “I agree.”
“I’m sorry,” Jayne said to Nolan.
He didn’t try to persuade her to stay. “Thank you for—”
Halfway out of her chair, Jayne lowered herself back down. Mo silently followed her lead. “Military came to our house, too,” Jayne said, wanting to keep the conversation going. “I didn’t understand what was happening. I was only twelve.” She paused, to emphasize that last point. “They ushered me out of the house and took me to relatives, but they didn’t tell me anything. My uncle explained it later. Well, he told me they’d fallen from the Way, committed Chosen Violations. He didn’t give me any details.”
“It’s never appropriate to discuss the details of a Chosen Violation, especially with a child,” Nolan said. “Your uncle was doing what he thought best for you.”
She’d figured that out years ago. And no, she wouldn’t want to hear the sordid details of exactly what took place. But... “I understand that, but it’s been difficult not knowing anything, even the basic facts. If you look up the Incident,” as she’d done many times when younger, futilely hoping that more information would suddenly appear in the public record, “you’ll read that four people were executed for committing Chosen Violations, and that it’s called the Adams Incident because the Adamses, Joined Chosens, were two of the four.”
It had always seemed so unfair that the entry didn’t name the other two offenders. Yes, it was shocking and almost unthinkable that both Chosens in a Joining had fallen at the same time, but that shouldn’t minimize the involvement of the other two. They’d also committed Chosen Violations. They were just as guilty, regardless of what Kevin Stewart thought. The announcements on the monitors would have named them and their names would be on the Wall of Offenders, but she didn’t have access to either. Archived announcements weren’t available on the public network, and historical records usually didn’t dwell on those who’d fallen. Her parents were an exception.
“Knowing names won’t help you.” Stewart shook his head. “It doesn’t help. The Incident would still be incomprehensible. You’d just have more information to torture yourself with, still ask yourself why.”
He was right. On one level, understanding would frighten her—wouldn’t that mean she’d fallen from the Way? But that didn’t stop her from asking why, though perhaps what she really wanted to know was: why her? Why her parents, her family? Why hadn’t they been stronger? Hadn’t they loved each other? Hadn’t they loved their children? Why didn’t you love me? Why wasn’t I enough to stop you?
She shook herself. “I’d still like to know what happened.” It irked her that other Rymellans knew more about events that had radically changed her life than she did.
“If you know something, you should tell her,” Mo said.
His Chosen nodded. “Tell her, Kevin. What will it hurt?”
He released a heavy sigh. “I don’t know much. I asked, but nobody would tell me anything. I was only her brother,” he said bitterly. “My sister took art lessons from...your papa. I don’t know how they met. I don’t know when they,” he grimaced, “crossed the line. I don’t know how their violations were discovered.”
“But you do know something else,” Jayne pressed, wanting to shake it out of him.
“Only because I overheard military talk about it, and more than once, so I’m certain it’s reliable.”
What? What did you overhear?
“The fourth offender...his name was Joseph Hill. That was on the monitors, but most Rymellans probably don’t remember. I do, though. I’ll never forget.” He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and patted his brow.
Every muscle in Jayne’s body tightened. She finally had a name, but what had Kevin Stewart overheard?
“I heard the military say...” He glanced at Nolan. “I heard them say he was your mama’s counsellor.”
Her counsellor? At least he hadn’t been fourteen, but—her counsellor? Was there a connection between the counsellor and Brenda Stewart? How could Mama and Papa have fallen from the Way at the same time? Her counsellor? She looked at Nolan, who had a fixed smile on his face. Jayne wanted to roll her eyes. If that revelation made him feel awkward, could he imagine how she’d felt for the past thirteen years? “Did you know him?” Jayne asked Stewart.
“Of course I didn’t know him!” Stewart blustered. “Why would you ask such a thing?”
“I was wondering if he was connected to your sister.”
“Oh, so you’d like to blame Brenda for the Incident!”
“No, I...” Why bother? He’d twist anything she said. “No connection, then.” Maybe her parents had been monsters who’d enticed two naive Rymellans to their deaths.
Nolan cleared his throat. “Thank you for the information, Kevin. It was kind of you to offer it.”
Jayne silently fumed. She was entitled to know!
“Kind?” Mo said indignantly. “I’m sorry, but he’s caused her nothing but grief, or have you forgotten that he’s asked for her execution—twice—and was rude to her at the awards ceremony? And now he gets a pat on the head for telling her something she has the right to know? He owes her a big flaming apology!”
“I’m not apologizing to her!”
Mo leaned over the arm of her chair and jabbed a finger toward Stewart. “Then look her in the eye and tell her you think she should be executed—a Rymellan who hasn’t committed a capital violation or done anything to you. Tell her!”
Admiration and gratitude surged through Jayne. Mo wouldn’t feel a restraining hand on her arm this time!
Nolan motioned for Mo to sit back. He turned to Stewart. “Do you still think she should be executed, Kevin?”
“I—I—I need time to think.” Stewart lowered his head.
“Perhaps we should break for today,” Nolan suggested.
Mo’s jaw dropped. “You mean, you want us to come back? Why should we?”
Gwen Stewart met Jayne’s eyes. “Now that you have the information you want, you’ll wash your hands of this? Is that the only reason you came?”
“No. I’m not like that.” Jayne wanted to touch Mo, take her hand and squeeze it. She gripped the arm of her chair instead. “My Chosen is only trying to protect me.” Her throat tightened; she blinked back tears. In her heart, she believed what she’d said. Mo honestly cared. You’re not alone anymore. “We’ll be back.”
“Good,” Nolan said with a satisfied nod. Through him, they arranged their next appointment. Jayne and Mo quickly left the office and the Stewarts.
“Jayne!” Nolan called as they walked up the corridor. She turned. “Did you receive counselling after the Incident?” he asked when he caught up to them.
“No.” Well, she had, but it had been obvious from the first appointment that the counsellor was forced to take her on and wasn’t comfortable with her. Jayne hadn’t helped. Still numb, she hadn’t wanted to talk about feelings she didn’t have, especially with a stranger. After the fourth session, she’d begged her aunt and uncle not to take her back. Nobody, including the counsellor, had tried to change her mind.
“You might want to consider it. It’s never too late.”
“I’ll think about it,” she mumbled, knowing she wouldn’t. The Incident was personal; she wouldn’t discuss it with just anyone. She’d only agreed to the appointment with Nolan because of Kevin Stewart’s personal connection to the Incident—and his Chosen’s plea. If Jayne wanted to talk about her feelings, she’d talk to someone she trusted, someone she felt safe with and who wouldn’t judge or hurt her. Someone like Carol. Someone like Mo.
*****
Hoping she wasn’t agreeing with something she shouldn’t, Lesley nodded when Laura paused to sip her juice. What had they been talking about before Lesley tuned out? The sight of Lieutenant Pierce at the cafeteria’s hot meal counter reminded her. He coached Laura’s son’s swimming team. “When is Ben’s next competition?” She knew she’d erred when Lau
ra frowned and stared at her.
Laura drained her glass, then dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “I could use a walk after that lunch. Come with me.”
It almost sounded like an order. When Laura rose and picked up her tray, Lesley followed suit. Five minutes later they strolled along a path behind headquarters that was accessible only to military. Laura clasped her hands behind her back. “All right, we’re not in my office. We’re outside, and we’re alone. What’s wrong? I’m asking as a friend, not as your commanding officer.”
“Nothing.” Everything. Supper with Mo and Jayne the previous evening had confirmed her suspicions. The subtle clues were obvious, at least to Lesley. Mo hadn’t touched Jayne much—if they’d dined at an eatery rather than at the Thompsons’, other diners would have assumed they were a couple and a friend, with Jayne being the friend. Lesley would have been tempted to write off her earlier impression as a mistake, if not for the strain in Mo’s voice when they’d discussed the appointment with Nolan. It went beyond the usual concern shown for a friend. Mo cared deeply and felt personally involved, even slighted, on Jayne’s behalf.
Thanks for not insisting that we leave when Stewart started talking, Jayne had said to Mo.
Of course we weren’t going to leave! I know how important it is for you to find out more about the Incident. Are you sure it’s a good idea to go again, though?
Jayne had hesitated.
Are you sure you’re not doing it just to prove you’re not a bad person?
I know how much he’s hurting, Jayne had said, shaking her head. But that doesn’t mean the next appointment will help him. If you’re uncomfortable with what I’m doing, you don’t have to go with me.
No way are you going alone! We’re in this together, Mo had declared, her voice infused with sympathy, conviction...passion.
At that point, Lesley had excused herself to go to the bathroom so she could clench her hands and calm herself in private. But before pushing back her chair, she’d had to move Mo’s hand back to her own lap. It didn’t make sense!